Assassin's Creed: Valhalla (2020, Windows) Review

EXCITEMENT DIES

Assassin's Creed: Valhalla might be the first game I reviewed in my mind before I even started playing. I knew exactly what to expect, and got exactly what I expected. Maybe I was prejudiced, but sometimes prejudices don't lie. I gave it a chance to impress, but just like last few entries of the franchise it only did for a few hours. This is Ubisoft through and through; a gigantic open world, an endless quest and very little meaningful interaction between player and game. 

Now, I wouldn't call Assassin's Creed: Valhalla bad, only boring. Everything about it is serviceable, from combat and movement to exploration. The very ambitious story has its moments. Starting out in Norway, it gives you the chance to play as either male or female Eivor. My choice was easy; contrary to worldwide belief, Eivor is not a gender neutral name. If you search the Swedish online phone book literally all results for Eivor are female, so that's what I opted for.

It starts out as a revenge tale. Young Eivor witnesses the death of her parents when a rival clan invades. A tense one-take cinematic depicts how she barely escapes with her life, surviving even a wolfbite to the throat. After that, everybody calls her "Wolf-kissed". Cut to many years later, and the prologue is all about seeking revenge on the murderers.

I like this introduction. It sets up a grim world of pragmatic viking mentality, honor and superstition. The snowy landscape is beautiful but harsh, and the aurora borealis beams in the night sky, like an eternal promise of Valhalla for those that face life with courage.

After vengence is taken care of, the game becomes all about conquest. England, the land of plenty, beckons from across the sea. The sons of Ragnar Lothbrok have already traveled there. Eivor and her adoptive brother, Sigurd, join them on a quest to colonize the new land. After founding a settlement called Ravensthorpe, you travel from area to area in search of allies. One by one you sway the rulers to your side, securing your place in the center of the world map.

I like bits and pieces of it, the intrigues, betrayals and camaraderie. Eivor is a solid, flawed protagonist and I dig how the relationship between her and Sigurd develops. Life in Ravensthorpe doesn't always run smoothly, and Eivor has to fight tooth and nail to prove her worth. Sometimes not even that is enough.

The lands are divided into something like 20 areas, each with its own story arc. The Halfdan one is particularly good. After many years of raiding, he's become very rich and is now haunted by paranoia, even towards his oldest friend. He suspects everyone, but finds an ally in Eivor, whom he tasks with investigating everyone close to him. My poor choices made it end in tragedy. The writing here, and in a couple arcs more, is affecting.

But much of the story also feels like filler. As usual, too many plot threads vie for your attention. The assassins play a significant role in this plot, but the game would be better off without it. Basim, a foreign assassin, joins your settlement and has a storyline of his own, teaching you about the art of the hidden blade. He wants you to track down and kill a number of secret order members. It is busywork. After killing thousands of enemies, this lot doesn't feel special.

This bit also ties heavily into the modern-day framing storyline, where a neo-assassin named Leyla excavates the area around Eivor's grave. Yes, for some inexplicable reason, the modern day stuff is still around, and it's in a sorry state. Of all the plot threads, it's the least developed, being given only a few scenes. But at least it comes with a cool, completely unexpected twist just before the end.

I feel kinda sorry for the developers. They've got skills. As an open world and a depiction of life in ancient history, Valhalla feels more complete than the earlier RPG entries, Assassin's Creed: Origins and Odyssey. For a few hours I was totally onboard with the experience.

I felt like a goddamn "viking", sailing my longship up and down the English rivers. I got to lead raids on monasteries and bandit camps. I feasted with my fellows in the longhouse after a successful siege. I returned with my plunder to Ravensthorpe and invested in new facilities. The Norse gods appeared as hallucinations, filling my head with hopes of glory and other nonsense.

A few decent mini-games reveal what the vikings might've done for recreational fun. Dice is one thing, drinking contests another. I couldn't help but to chuckle at the rhythmic cheers of "Skål!" from the audience as I chugged down the ale. Flyting is a fun rap battle of poetic rhymes, where you throw insults back and forth.

The music is arguably the best thing about this game; transitioning from mysterious to aggressive, using steel guitars and strings with a lot of reverb to capture the open sea, the Norwegian mountains and fjords underneath the northern lights. And when you reach England it's more of a different same; the soundscape of rolling hills under a beckoning horizon instils the burden of dreams.

So, there's a lot of great skill on display here. Too bad the gameplay can't live up to the artistry, setting and atmosphere, in spite of the smooth framerate and responsive controls. All that is good about playing this game loses its luster sooner rather than later due to its insane length and repetition. To make matters worse, the game kept crashing, forcing me to constantly clear the cache and reload.

Combat looks impressive but gets dull fast. It has boatloads of animations and busy soundwork, all of it weapon-specific. It's raw, brutal and unflinching with light attacks, heavy attacks, ranged strikes and special attacks in frenzied motion. It's spectacular to look at and listen to. Gargling screams and bones snapping frequently torments my ears, especially during the shocking finishers. It all multiplies tenfold during the raids and sieges, where you and your small army gradually break down the defenses of a castle. The thrill of battle feels scary and intoxicating.

All this, and still it gets boring. It never develops from the initial shock value. Most activities end up in a fight and it's always far too easy. All enemies are basically the same, and your special attacks make short work of any resistance, even bosses. The excitement dies when you feel like a god among mortals. Only when you stumble upon far overleveled characters in some obscure side activity will you face some real opposition.

Some bossfights are kinda cool in concept. Like the bow-wielding wiccan witch, who fires arrows from ledges, ziplines around and poisons the area around you. But the fight itself performs like any standard enemy encounter.

A gigantic skilltree lets you expand your melee, ranged or stealth skills, making it even easier. With hundreds of nodes, you'd expect some of them to radically change your approach, but they don't. A slight stat increase here, an extra arrow to shoot there. Extra stamina adds another strike to your attack chains. Extra adrenaline adds another special attack to your "mana" battery.

Stealth is functional but feels redundant due to the extra effort it requires. Instead I preferred sniping the enemy from bushes and rooftops with my precision bow. It was the quickest way and the only fighting style that required some skill.

Exploration also feels redundant because you find so little of interest. The loot is 95% crafting materials and copper. The rest is weapons and armor. But since you can upgrade any piece of gear to the same level, I hardly tried anything other than the starting gear. It's a shame because Assassin's Creed, with its smooth parkour, is mechanically one of the most exploration-friendly franchises out there. Eivor can climb any surface, as long as it isn't covered in ice. And yet, it also gets boring.

Short, banale sidequests pop up here and there. Some of them are funny. I liked the one with the man who refused to take a bath, making his home uninhabitable - poisonous, even - from the stench. Building cairns, lining up standing stones, exploring tombs; it's all serviceable filler in a game full fillers. Lengthy sidequest arcs takes you deep into hallucinatory godly realms like Asgard and Helheim. Neat, spectacular stuff that I didn't bother with. By then I was already done with the game.

But the game wasn't done with me. I saw many sidequests through. I cared for Ravensthorpe. I upgraded my gear. I hunted for sport. I courted a girl. I behaved. I misbehaved. I protected my friends. I stormed castles. I defended other castles. I spoke with the gods. I commandeered a ship. I plundered. I saved a bunch of kids. I felled legendary animals. I assassinated many corrupt order members. I saved the world in modern times. I finished the main quest. And yet, I didn't see the end credits roll.

Overall, my playthrough felt unfocused. What was I striving for? What was the end goal? I liked each area's "arc"-structure, but it was not supported by a strong sense of underlying progression. My settlement grew, I rid the world of order members, but where was it supposed to lead? When was it enough? As usual with Ubisoft, you just check the boxes and some of it, especially the building of Ravensthorpe, goes faster if you buy microtransacions.

For all the time - 90 hours - I devoted to Assassin's Creed: Valhalla I didn't accomplish much more than wasting my time. From the very start I knew the mechanics from previous games. I knew exactly what to do and how to do it. New environments, characters and stories didn't make up for that lack of development. Everyone's time on this Earth is limited, something Ubisoft understands but doesn't give a fuck about. They just want unlimited riches, and they want you to contribute.