Ultratron (2015, Playstation 4) Review

A RETROSPECT ON EPILEPSY

Also for: Linux, Macintosh, Playstation 3, PS Vita, Wii U, Windows, Xbox 360, Xbox One

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Ultratron is Puppy Games' modern-day remake of Robotron: 2084, a classic arcade machine from 1982. It stays true to its roots by offering retro-styled sprites against a dark backdrop, loud chip noises, flashing colors and frantic pace. Looking at screenshots, I realize it even emulates the blurriness and rounded edges of an old CRT-screen.

I suppose Ultratron attempts to capture the spirit of dwelling in the arcades, spending your quarters on infinite rounds of unbeatable games. To be honest, I wouldn't really know, as those events happened in a lifetime just before mine. Grinding back then meant leveling yourself up, practicing the same arcade machine over and over until you reached the top of the high score table.

For those unfamiliar with the concept of Robotron, it's basically a top-down, twin-stick arena shooter taking place on a single screen. One stick moves your character, the other one is for aiming and firing. In Ultratron, you control a cyborg, whereas you orignially were human (big difference). Hostile robots beam into view in waves and close in on you. Some of them shoot, some of them drop mines, and some are harder to kill than others.

Occasionally, a small, harmless droid zooms across the screen. Shooting it adds a great, timed improvement that makes life a whole lot easier. Once you clear the last wave, you advance a level. It never really ends, only ramps up the difficulty until you finally yield. It's easy to pick up and play, but just as easy to put away.

Naturally, Ultratron is ideal for modern consoles. The twin analogue sticks make both movement and aiming very precise. The remake also adds the possibility to pick up coins from fallen enemies, used for purchasing upgrades between stages. These can improve your arsenal, add AI-drones and enhance your movement. It's a neat feature, allowing you to switch up your playstyle a little. But with only one life, you have to consider whether it ain't worth more stocking up on shields.

The game kindly provides a checkpoint after each defeated boss. Getting killed anywhere in the ten stages leading up to the next one lets you try again from that point. For me that only happened once. I don't even know exactly what I did wrong to die - just like I can't explain how I survived prior to, or past, that point. 

Ultratron isn't about thinking strategically, nor is it exactly about quick reflexes. It's more about finding the right movement pattern to minimize the risk of dying. Anyone digging for advice would be unlikely to procure one better than: "Kill all enemies and don't get hit", or "Git gud". Just try to find a way to get lucky.

Beware that Ultratron is an epilepsy warning on crack - it constantly clutters the room with sensory overload. It blares and flashes all the way to a night of restless sleep. Enemy lasers are indescernible amidst your own barrage of shots. I can't imagine how it must look in two player co-op mode. The way I survived so easily, in spite of this, flies in the face of the alleged brutal difficulty of the original (I haven't played it, only listened to the pros praise it over gameplay footage on YouTube).

But the main reason I don't like Ultratron more is because it ends too soon. My status quo for most games is a two star "average" rating, and then it hopefully evolves from there. I breezed through this campaign in little more than an hour, meaning I cleared all 40 stages plus all four bosses. "Humanity avenged", the screen said.

And then I kept at it for another ten stages into the endgame. I beat the first boss again - only this time it had an identical twin. I learned online it's an infinite loop that adds another twin boss for each iteration until you croak. Knowing that, I just quit. The affair was over so quickly, it never left status quo. Hence the score.

Writing about Ultratron feels like reviewing Sex Pistol's cover of Rock Around the Clock. I respect the impact of Bill Haley's original rock'n'roll classic (which, by the way, was also a cover). I respect the stylistic quirks the newer version adds. But ultimately neither of them is my kinda jazz. And the short lifespan leaves me indifferent towards digging deeper into the intricacies of the game. For now, I prefer to admire the arcades from a safe distance. I've left the days of high score tables behind.